No Words....

No words can describe how sad I am... My friend who I posted about has lost her 3rd baby and I can't even begin to articulate how I feel. On so many levels it makes me sad, angry, discouraged and pissed off!!! I KNOW, medicine is a science and as such, its not exact but DAMN! Also, I can't understand why God in His infinite wisdom and love for us would put one couple through so much pain and heart ache.

If there is a bright side in all this, its that they got to hold the baby and be with her for 6 hours of her life. I can't even begin to imagine how wonderful that must have felt, especially since the doctors were all amazed that she held on for that long. That part right there proves that God DOES care about us because no one can tell me that He didn't do this JUST for them and their other two babies in heaven so Madison can go there and tell them how wonderful both their mom and dad are!

I still trust God, I know I cannot question His ways but if there were once I could ask Him ANY question, it would be WHY. As crazy as it sounds, I want this couple to have a child more than I want it for us. I love them JUST THAT MUCH.

No Good Deed....

Goes unpunished or recognized!! So over the past few weeks, I thought I had been accomodating (allowed hela folks to stay at my house who had no money), did my best to make things comfortable and nice for everyone, played hostess with the mostest and all that snazzy stuff you do for people who love you and what did I get in return? Basically a disrecpectful niece, a crazy sister and people angry with me over stuff that has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!!! So for the next few weeks, months, maybe even YEARS, I'm closing the borders. Remember, I have NO children so I have no desire to play the 3rd parent anymore. Its too costly and I'm always the one paying and I'm NOT talking financially. Stick a fork in me, I'm SO DONE!

WOW...

Ok so we're officially 3 days away from Cory preaching his initial sermon. I'm overwhelmed with a range of emotions - happiness, excitement, nervousness, fatigue and everything in between!! I thank God that COry is such a cool, calm and collected dude, he's showing ZERO signs of fear (because we know God did not give us a spirit of fear) and he's ready for his big day. A few things I'm thankful for:

1. Peace - we have had nothing but peace around this new chapter of Cory's life
2. Praying friends near and far - I feel the prayers of all my friends and family
3. Vision - I saw this day when I first met Cory. Although our lives then looked NOTHING like what they are now, I always knew we'd get here, even when it looked like we'd never make it!
4. Vision again - I KNOW this is just a comma not a period. The things that I know God is going to acccomplish through Cory's life and testimony blow me away at times.
5. The Holy Spirit - who has led and guided us to this point. We would have NEVER arrived here if we weren't led.

So Sunday July 12 at 5:00 PM is the big day/hour. This is going to be awesome!

So Many Things, So Little Time...

I figured its time to update my blog with something new... Its been awhile since I've posted, not because I didn't have anything to say but just didn't have time to say it, so here goes....
Since the last post, we've closed on our new home (5/1) affectionately called "exceedingly above all you could think or ask". I'm still amazed when I pull up that this is our home. Wow daddy, you're awesome!
Cory will be preaching his initial sermon on 7/12. This has been such an awesome journey and we know this is just a stop on the journey and by no means his final destination. I cannot believe God thought enough of me to allow me to be a part of this process. I realize Cory is God's gift to me and such, He trusted me with one of His chosen vessels. What I saw in Cory the first time we met is exactly this. What a powerful man of God he's becoming!
One of my best friends who has lost two babies is pregnant! She looks marvelous and its so sweet to observe her husband smiling at her when she's not watching. This couple is so in love and awesome testimonies to God's keeping power.
As for me personally, I'm on a spiritual journey of my own... There's so much going on inside of me right now, at times I feel I'm going to explode. I am in such desperate pursuit of God! I just want to live a life that's pleasing to Him. I don't always get it right but the awesome thing is, I don't have to because He does!

Oh man!

So what are the odds...

That my cousin and I would BOTH be purchasing houses this month!!! I can't believe it, we are both getting our first houses this month. This will add to the list of first things we've done together since we've been friends (some of which now have to be covered in the blood of Jesus ONLY to be talked about when we get into one of our "remember when..." moods).
This is SUCH a monumental event for two black girls from the South Bronx. We both have fabulous jobs, have stable relationships (I'm married, she's on her way I know it!), have fairly decent families in comparison to the REALLY crazy families out there, and have mothers who are dealing with health issues that by all right should have killed them. Can't lie and say that when she mentioned moving south that I wasn't overjoyed, but I'm happy that she's now happy where she is. I can't wait until when we exchange the "you have a new house" gifts!!! This is GREAT!!!!

What's Been Going On!

1. Officially moved to South Carolina
2. Officially started looking for a house
3. Have found a house
4. Moving on November 1
5. Started a new PERMANENT job at US Food as a project manager
6. Started seriously trying to lose weight (6.5 lbs so far)
7. Shocked and amazed at the move of God in my life and the lives of others!
8. Excited because my cousin has a new man who makes her extremely happy and in spite of the insanity that's going on in her life right now, he seems to have her grounded (yeah for him!)
9. My mother is doing EXTREMELY well with her chemo treatments - the spot on her liver is shrinking and her weight is holding steady
10. My sister has purchased a home, its fabulous!
11. My mother is turning 73 in 4 days.
    

Its the Little Things that Make it Permanent

Ok so I'm officially relocation to SC (that's a whole blog unto itself) but I've been having fits of anxiety this week about what should be a relatively MINOR thing.... RELINQUISHING MY NY DRIVERS LICENSE!!! Yes, I need to switch my insurance, get new place and let my beloved license go. So of all the things that I have done to make this a permanent move, this move right here, is making me ill. The "smiling faces beautiful places" slogan on the license, the weird state logo (which only my cousin would agree looks like a logo for some weird religion - sun and moon), the many colors that I can get plates in, ALL ARE FREAKING ME OUT!! I feel so cool when travelling through the airport and when I flash my ID, people say "a new yorker huh". Will I be so cool with my SC ID (what will they say "a palmetter stater huh"!). No one gives a heck about people from SC outside of thinking that you have peaches and sweet tea rolling out your ears, you drink mint julips for breakfast and secretly have a confederate flag as a comforter!. Maybe I'll hold on to my NY ID until it expires. I'm just not ready to commit on that level!!