Strength, Courage and Wisdom

These days I'm finding myself want to know more about my mother. Could it be that since she's battling colon cancer (last report was optimistic) that this is some sort of morbid "I'd better get all that I can while she's here" knee-jerk reaction? I dunno.

All I know is that I now view my mother in a TOTALLY different light. She's been through major surgery, undergoing chemo therapy treatments and has not complained once. When you call her, she's upbeat and always cracking jokes.

What I'm learning about my mother is that she is the strongest, most courageous, wisest person I know. Often I find myself saying one of her sayings that I realize now were so full of wisdom:

1. If you lie, you'll steal - my cousin and I used to crack up over this one, but now we use this line ourselves!
   
2. only thing open after 12:00 is legs - this was always said after some boy/man I was dating wanted to pick me up late)
3. always have escape money - this is money that you take on a date in case he ditches you and you need to get home on your own
4. always believe someone when they show you who they are

She has a whole host of others, I think I'll get with friends/family and gather them all. She's such a strong, courageous, wise person and I regret that I spent so much time being angry at who she wasn't, that its not until now that I appreciate who she is.

Turning 40 in exactly 17 days!

Turning 40!
There are some things about turning 40 that are bothering me:

1. not having a home
2. not having a child
3. still feel like I'm not doing the work I want to do

There are some things about turning 40 that are not bothering me:

1. I still look good (atleast I think so, whoever disagrees, too bad so sad)
2. Working on getting my weight under control
3. Making major moves in terms of living somewhere that I'm happy with

I think most of all if I'm honest, what's bothering me is the fact that me turning 40 doesn't seem like a big deal to anyone but me! I don't know what I expect: a parade, jugglers, a trip around the world, WHO KNOWS!! But when I mention it to folks (mostly my family) "OMG, I'm going to be 40 in ____ days". Its sorta met with "ok".

My cousin (who is also turning 40 this year) is making this scrapbook of all the people in her life who have had an impact. While I though about doing something like this, I DON'T SCRAP and this is way to monumental an occassion to jack up.

Maybe I'll just sleep my 40th birthday away so that if it doesn't meet my expectations (which I'm not sure what they are at this point) I won't be disappointed. Maybe I should work on defining my expectations and verbalizing them so if they're not met, its not because I didn't say what I wanted. Is that part of turning 40, saying what you want and expecting it???

No Title Needed

Its been 3 months since my last post, SO much has gone on...

1. Went home last month and packed up our place in NY for the official move to SC! It is scary and exciting at the same time. Although we've always had visions of moving south, I never thought it would be so soon with all that we had going on at home. I guess God had other plans!
2. We officially joined the church we have been attending here in SC (www.valleybrookoutreach.org). We really love this church, they really love the Lord, the Pastor and congregation is VERY supportive and although its a big church by Albany standards (about 1000 members) its still small enough that you don't feel lost. There are some wonderful and exciting things going on at this church and I am so honored that God though enough of us to have us be part!
3. My mother has completed 3 chemotherapy treatments and so far, no major issues! God is so awesome and I'm still trusting Him for her healing. Shes been a trooper through this whole thing, at 72, I hope I have 1/2 the strength she has.
4. All my friends are in some form of transition. Either spiritually, professionally or personally. I know that God is up to something big.
5. My nephew passed to GA real estate exam with flying colors! He's so smart and when he really puts his mind to things, nothing is impossible for him.
6. My sister had her thyroid removed in October. She was diagnosed with Grave's Disease over a year ago and they just could not get her thyroid under control. I'm believing God for her healing also.

There are so many other things going on, some of which since they are in their infancy stage, I am not willing to reveal. 2008 is going to be such a TREMENDOUS year, I can't wait!

So Many Changes

So many things are changing these days, its hard to keep up!

1. My husband is here with me in Greenville and after us living in seperate places for a year we're having to get re-acquainted with each others. Morning routines, nighttime rituals, quiet time, remote control (its should be remote control "control"), me not eating cereal for dinner, dog walking, the list goes on and on. I can say that I am SO happy he's here though, I didn't realize how much I missed him.
2. Friends moving - a friend of my cousin is moving MANY miles away!! Although I've only known here through my cousin over the past maybe 15 years, she is such a great person and a good BF to my cousin. I KONW its going to be a huge adjustment for both of them.
3. My cousin has a new man who makes her VERY happy! I think there's wedding bells in the air but she's trying to not freak me out so she's trying to be cool about it! I love how happy she sounds when I call her and how excited she is when she's going to see him.
4. I'm transitioning - we are seriously considering a move to SC which would mean new church, new chapter in our lives and walk with God and new church family. That's a whole blog unto itself.
5. Friendships - many are falling by the wayside, old ones are being renewed, others are being changed.
6. LAst but not least - my relationship with God. I've had to learn to trust Him in some PRETTY major ways over the past few months and He has shown me how TRULY faithful He is and how much He loves me. He's preparing me for something big!

I wonder if anyone else feels the change!!!

Becoming my Mother

My mother came to stay with me this week and I believe its the first time that the two of us have been together without a houseful of other people around. I've come the very scary conclusion that I am becoming her!!! Examples:

1) we're both animal lovers but VERY partial to dogs. Anything that has to do with dogs causes us to stop WHATEVER we're doing (it could be driving down the street!) to look at, pet, talk to, comment on the dog!
2) related to point one: We both TALK to these animals! Not only do we talk to them, we prefer talking to them over talking to humans. There are times when people are around, we're talking to the dogs, people are asking us what we said and we respond "I was talking to Bernie or Pickles". My mother is the ONLY person who when I talk to the dogs doesn't say "huh" because she KNOWS I'm not talking to her!
3) we prefer to eat dessert BEFORE dinner. Twice this week we had ice cream THEN went and had dinner.
4) we tend to buy very expensive stuff for others but will relentlessly peruse the clearance racks for ourselves.

This list can go on an on.... On a positive note, I don't mind becoming my mother, she has to be one of the coolest people I know! I love you Momma!

All Down Hill

Food that I ate today:

Breakfast - bagel with cream cheese AND butter
Lunch - ChickFilA chicken tenders and fries
Dinner - Wendy's chicken sandwich, fries

Why is it that once you start off with a bad high carb meal, it just goes DOWNHILL from there??

Oh well, there's always tomorrow. WHOO, I'm tired, guess the carb coma is coming on!

Father's Day

My dad has been gone for over 10 years. Some years I can breeze through Father's Day and be ok, other not. This year, God has been dealing with me in certain areas, and grieving and letting go is one of them. I needed to grieve and let go of my dad, as well as the two babies that I miscarried. Well ironically enough, today's message at church was "The Turning Point", scripture reference Deuteronomy 1:5-13. Pastor Johnson preached about being in a place for so long that you become that place (spiritually, emotionally, physically) and that its time to turn from that place and take your journey.
So God spoke to me today and showed me that:

1. If I stop grieving my father, I will not be "leaving him" or forgetting about him but I will be freeing myself to begin to celebrate him and the relationship that I had with him.
2. I have a father in heaven who will not leave or forsake me.
3. My babies are with God and when I get there, they will be there waiting for me and will know who I am.
4. Both my earthly father and my father in heaven are happy and rejoicing that I am beginning to take my journey.

Needless to say, today was a weepy day but I am ready to turn from this mountain of grief and take my journey. As long as I listen to the small still voice inside of me, I will be ok.

Happy Fathers Day Daddy and Abba!