No Title Needed

Its been 3 months since my last post, SO much has gone on...

1. Went home last month and packed up our place in NY for the official move to SC! It is scary and exciting at the same time. Although we've always had visions of moving south, I never thought it would be so soon with all that we had going on at home. I guess God had other plans!
2. We officially joined the church we have been attending here in SC (www.valleybrookoutreach.org). We really love this church, they really love the Lord, the Pastor and congregation is VERY supportive and although its a big church by Albany standards (about 1000 members) its still small enough that you don't feel lost. There are some wonderful and exciting things going on at this church and I am so honored that God though enough of us to have us be part!
3. My mother has completed 3 chemotherapy treatments and so far, no major issues! God is so awesome and I'm still trusting Him for her healing. Shes been a trooper through this whole thing, at 72, I hope I have 1/2 the strength she has.
4. All my friends are in some form of transition. Either spiritually, professionally or personally. I know that God is up to something big.
5. My nephew passed to GA real estate exam with flying colors! He's so smart and when he really puts his mind to things, nothing is impossible for him.
6. My sister had her thyroid removed in October. She was diagnosed with Grave's Disease over a year ago and they just could not get her thyroid under control. I'm believing God for her healing also.

There are so many other things going on, some of which since they are in their infancy stage, I am not willing to reveal. 2008 is going to be such a TREMENDOUS year, I can't wait!

So Many Changes

So many things are changing these days, its hard to keep up!

1. My husband is here with me in Greenville and after us living in seperate places for a year we're having to get re-acquainted with each others. Morning routines, nighttime rituals, quiet time, remote control (its should be remote control "control"), me not eating cereal for dinner, dog walking, the list goes on and on. I can say that I am SO happy he's here though, I didn't realize how much I missed him.
2. Friends moving - a friend of my cousin is moving MANY miles away!! Although I've only known here through my cousin over the past maybe 15 years, she is such a great person and a good BF to my cousin. I KONW its going to be a huge adjustment for both of them.
3. My cousin has a new man who makes her VERY happy! I think there's wedding bells in the air but she's trying to not freak me out so she's trying to be cool about it! I love how happy she sounds when I call her and how excited she is when she's going to see him.
4. I'm transitioning - we are seriously considering a move to SC which would mean new church, new chapter in our lives and walk with God and new church family. That's a whole blog unto itself.
5. Friendships - many are falling by the wayside, old ones are being renewed, others are being changed.
6. LAst but not least - my relationship with God. I've had to learn to trust Him in some PRETTY major ways over the past few months and He has shown me how TRULY faithful He is and how much He loves me. He's preparing me for something big!

I wonder if anyone else feels the change!!!

Becoming my Mother

My mother came to stay with me this week and I believe its the first time that the two of us have been together without a houseful of other people around. I've come the very scary conclusion that I am becoming her!!! Examples:

1) we're both animal lovers but VERY partial to dogs. Anything that has to do with dogs causes us to stop WHATEVER we're doing (it could be driving down the street!) to look at, pet, talk to, comment on the dog!
2) related to point one: We both TALK to these animals! Not only do we talk to them, we prefer talking to them over talking to humans. There are times when people are around, we're talking to the dogs, people are asking us what we said and we respond "I was talking to Bernie or Pickles". My mother is the ONLY person who when I talk to the dogs doesn't say "huh" because she KNOWS I'm not talking to her!
3) we prefer to eat dessert BEFORE dinner. Twice this week we had ice cream THEN went and had dinner.
4) we tend to buy very expensive stuff for others but will relentlessly peruse the clearance racks for ourselves.

This list can go on an on.... On a positive note, I don't mind becoming my mother, she has to be one of the coolest people I know! I love you Momma!

All Down Hill

Food that I ate today:

Breakfast - bagel with cream cheese AND butter
Lunch - ChickFilA chicken tenders and fries
Dinner - Wendy's chicken sandwich, fries

Why is it that once you start off with a bad high carb meal, it just goes DOWNHILL from there??

Oh well, there's always tomorrow. WHOO, I'm tired, guess the carb coma is coming on!

Father's Day

My dad has been gone for over 10 years. Some years I can breeze through Father's Day and be ok, other not. This year, God has been dealing with me in certain areas, and grieving and letting go is one of them. I needed to grieve and let go of my dad, as well as the two babies that I miscarried. Well ironically enough, today's message at church was "The Turning Point", scripture reference Deuteronomy 1:5-13. Pastor Johnson preached about being in a place for so long that you become that place (spiritually, emotionally, physically) and that its time to turn from that place and take your journey.
So God spoke to me today and showed me that:

1. If I stop grieving my father, I will not be "leaving him" or forgetting about him but I will be freeing myself to begin to celebrate him and the relationship that I had with him.
2. I have a father in heaven who will not leave or forsake me.
3. My babies are with God and when I get there, they will be there waiting for me and will know who I am.
4. Both my earthly father and my father in heaven are happy and rejoicing that I am beginning to take my journey.

Needless to say, today was a weepy day but I am ready to turn from this mountain of grief and take my journey. As long as I listen to the small still voice inside of me, I will be ok.

Happy Fathers Day Daddy and Abba!

Running Away

In the past week, both ofmy dogs have gone on the lam. Bernie the Beagle is a escape artist, and I always fear that I'm never going to find her again but as luck would have it, she always winds up in someone's house. They see her on the side of the road, take her in, then its my job to find which house she's in and bring her home.
Tonight, Pickles ran away. I always tell everyone, he's so good in spite of his size, that he listens better than Bernie and he never wants to leave my sight. Well tonight he was out in the backyard with Cory, Cory comes in frantic looking for his leash which let's me know that Pickles is on the run. I quickly dress and go outside, certain that he's gone no further than the next door neighbor's house. 15 minutes later, still no Pickles. Now you have to know that Pickles is (1) a staffordshire terrier and (2) he's grey so we're looking for a big gray dog in the dark. Of course I was crying and making all types of promises to God because I can envision my dog either (1) shot by some person who is scared of him or (2) getting hit by a car. He has NO street savvy, and cars mean nothing to him. Thank God I found him, looking scared, lost and thirtsy in someone's backyard.
I say all this to say that I can totally related to that brief moment of freedom that they must both feel when they on the loose! I think every now and then we need to all cut loose, take off the restraints and just run free BUT always remember to come home. I think that we spend so much time tied up, tied down, and restrained by things/people/situations that we all need to be free, even if its only for 15 short minutes.
Needless to say, I'm glad I found him, otherwise, I'd be writing about my stay in the psych ward!

Say Yes!

Wow... So I went home this weekend, to see my husband, to see my friends but mostly to support my kids in the Youth Ministry. This is the weekend of the youth participation for Pastor's Anniversary. I am SO happy that I pressed on to go home, despite several obstacles (AMEX issues, work issues, etc). My kids, who are SO insightful and anointed, danced to Shekinah Glory "Yes". Its not so much that they danced to the song, but they put together, on their own this whole skit which was just so powerful that it left us all speechless and had us all questioning things that we had not said yes to, things that God has asked us to do that we've put off until the time is right, how we treat others who don't "fit the mold", how we are being called higher and sometimes settle for just getting by, how God's time is not the same as our time and how most times we "rush" a process when God has clearly told us to wait. The moving part of this dance/skit was that they had kids depicting this whole church scene, complete with choir, pastor, deacons and deaconess but they also had the people who we sometimes get annoyed with in church because they're loud, rude, talk at the "wrong time" (what is that anyway!) or just don't look like us. But as the skit went on, these were the people who said "yes" to God's will and answered the call. WHOA!!!

So in honor of my kids at Mount Pleasant Baptist Church in Albany, NY (who I love dearly and miss more and more), I'm going to say Yes to a few things that God has called me to.

1. forgiveness
2. ridding myself of pridefulness, boasting, insecurity
3. distrust of God to take care of me financially and believing that I have to do it all my own
4. pressing forward regardless of who/what I have to leave behind
5. believing that God is who he says he is and that I am who God says I am
6. few other secret things that I'm not ready to make public at this point!

Check out my Slide Show!

TIme to Get Home????

So...
My husband came to visit me this weekend. I had not seen him since 1/3 and it was not such a great visit lat time he was here. We drove down from NY with the dogs, I drove most of the way, the weather was crappy and we got into some wicked arguments, I think its this whole travelling thing, starting to wear on both of us.
So I was all anxious all last week about him coming... Would he notice that I lost weight (#1 anxiety point for me, although he has NEVER complained about my weight!), would there be enough stuff to do, enough food, is the house clean enough, is there stuff to talk about and will it not lead into an argument (we're both VERY argumentive and strong willed!), will we be discussing the whole weekend a possible move and if so where, is he going to think that the dogs are even more out of control than they were before we left NY and is that a reflection of me??? AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
So the big day arrived, got my hair done, nails done, put on a cute outfit and met him at the airport feeling all first date like. We both could not stop smiling when we saw each other and I was upset that I didn't think to make a sign like a chauffeur (I could have totally played that up!). When we got to the house, the dogs were estatic to see him, jumping around, screaming (my dogs scream when they're excited). After I took off my sweater, he said "wow, babe, you look great". So that TOTALLY took care of anxiety point #1!. We didn't do much this weekend, went downtown, watched the super bowl and hung around the house. On his last day here, it was at that point that I realized that I TOTALLY missed him and although I promised myself that I would not break into tears, yes, I had a meltdown! It's strange, not like I didn't miss him before, but it seems like I realized that I missed him once he was here, is that strange? I know the distance has done us some good, allowed us to not focus on each other for a bit, gave us time to work some things out with God, become a bit less dependent on each other and more dependent on Him and done WONDERS for our conversations but I'm wondering, is it time to get home???

For EVERY Mountain (my theme song)

I've got so much to thank God for
So many wonderful blessings and so many open doors
A brand new mercy along with each new day
That's why I praise You and for this I give You praise
For waking me up this morning
That's why I praise You
For sending me on my way
That's why I praise You
For letting me see the sunshine of a brand new day
A brand new mercy along with each new day
That's why I praise You and for this I give You praise
You're Jehovah Jhireh
You've been my Provider
So many times You´ve met my need
So many times You rescued me
I want to thank You for the blessing You give to me each day
That's why I praise You
For this I give You praise
For every mountain you brought me over
For every trial you've seen me through
For every blessing Hallelujah, for this I give You praise

Travelling for Work... Still a Good Idea?

Today my husband (who's in teacher's training at church) had to do his final presentation, which was to teach on a topic of our pastor's choosing. He's been in this class for about 3 months, and I probably would have been in this class with him also, but I'm travelling for work. So anyway, I've been hearing about this for months, talking with him about his topic (the ark of the covenant), talking about different angles he could approach it, blah, blah, blah... The last week coming down to the wire I got to hear his points and talk with him about his research. Today, he called me, did his presentation for me, toook some contrsutive criticism and was on his way. While I was work when he called, after we got off the phone, I had to go in the bathroom to cry for several reasons. (1) because God is SO awesome and I know it was God that gave him the words to say, (2) because I was and am SO proud of him and (3) feeling sad that I wasn't there and I felt I should have been. Of course I didn't let him know I cried, but I did tell him that I wished I were there and that I would be in prayer for him. So after his presentation before he got a chance to call me, I got calls from two friends who were there telling me what an awesome job he did, how everyone was very impressed with him, how well prepared he was, etc.. Little did they know that this just added to me feeling like a bad wife because I was not there! Its one thing to miss birthdays of other people. after church dinners, impromptu get togethers, but to miss my husband's presentation has me wondering if I'm doing the right thing with this travel assignment. I'm having a rough night, I'm just babbling now, so I'm going to end this now. Tomorrow is another day....

WHAT ABOUT ME???

Ok, so my 39th birthday is approaching... There were so many things that I thought I would have accomplished at this point in my life. A house, a child, a career that I'm happy with... HOW DID I GET HERE??? I guess God has other plans for me and in church today they talked about how God is ready/willing/able/wanting to give you all you want but you have t0 reach a place in your life that you can truly say "even if he doesn't _______ (fill in the blanks) I will still serve and praise Him because I know He can". There are days when I feel this and know this in my heart, but there are days when I let negative self talk creep in, when I hear someone is buying a home, when I hear that a friend of mine who's approaching 40 with 2 kids (new babies) is considering having another, when I meet someone who's happy in their career that I just feel like saying "WHAT ABOUT ME GOD???".

Integrity (or lack thereof)

in·teg·ri·ty /in*teg*ri*ty/ –noun
1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
Ok, I'm not trying to act like the moral police or mini holy spirit, but what has happened to people's integrity? I've been at two positions as a consultant where people have blatant integrity issues. One case, the manager wanted me to lie about testing statistics and this engagement that I'm on now, one of my employees has all around integrity issues. Coming in late, leaving early, reporting hours that he hasn't worked, not submitting work and claiming he never knew it was assigned to him. I JUST DON'T GET IT? What is going on in the world? Are these things that have been going on all along and I once was a person who didn't have issues with cheating the system or trying to get over? I know as a Christian I'm supposed to let my light shine but some days, it's easier to be in the dark, with the covers pulled over my head...

Taking the Plunge!

I've been a blog voyeur for a few months.... Reading my cousin's and her best friend's, posting comments but trying to fight the urge/desire to create my own. I mean damn, I got GOD, a counselor, friends, a journal for crying out loud so why do I have to post my deepest thoughts in the web for all to see????

Today I finally decided to take the plunge.. Can't say that I will tell the world all my secrets but I CAN say that its hella easier to type than it is to write, especially if you're crying (which happens to be something that I do regularly, maybe I'll write about that!).

Well Dee, here it is, hope you're happy!