Check out my Slide Show!

TIme to Get Home????

So...
My husband came to visit me this weekend. I had not seen him since 1/3 and it was not such a great visit lat time he was here. We drove down from NY with the dogs, I drove most of the way, the weather was crappy and we got into some wicked arguments, I think its this whole travelling thing, starting to wear on both of us.
So I was all anxious all last week about him coming... Would he notice that I lost weight (#1 anxiety point for me, although he has NEVER complained about my weight!), would there be enough stuff to do, enough food, is the house clean enough, is there stuff to talk about and will it not lead into an argument (we're both VERY argumentive and strong willed!), will we be discussing the whole weekend a possible move and if so where, is he going to think that the dogs are even more out of control than they were before we left NY and is that a reflection of me??? AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
So the big day arrived, got my hair done, nails done, put on a cute outfit and met him at the airport feeling all first date like. We both could not stop smiling when we saw each other and I was upset that I didn't think to make a sign like a chauffeur (I could have totally played that up!). When we got to the house, the dogs were estatic to see him, jumping around, screaming (my dogs scream when they're excited). After I took off my sweater, he said "wow, babe, you look great". So that TOTALLY took care of anxiety point #1!. We didn't do much this weekend, went downtown, watched the super bowl and hung around the house. On his last day here, it was at that point that I realized that I TOTALLY missed him and although I promised myself that I would not break into tears, yes, I had a meltdown! It's strange, not like I didn't miss him before, but it seems like I realized that I missed him once he was here, is that strange? I know the distance has done us some good, allowed us to not focus on each other for a bit, gave us time to work some things out with God, become a bit less dependent on each other and more dependent on Him and done WONDERS for our conversations but I'm wondering, is it time to get home???

For EVERY Mountain (my theme song)

I've got so much to thank God for
So many wonderful blessings and so many open doors
A brand new mercy along with each new day
That's why I praise You and for this I give You praise
For waking me up this morning
That's why I praise You
For sending me on my way
That's why I praise You
For letting me see the sunshine of a brand new day
A brand new mercy along with each new day
That's why I praise You and for this I give You praise
You're Jehovah Jhireh
You've been my Provider
So many times You´ve met my need
So many times You rescued me
I want to thank You for the blessing You give to me each day
That's why I praise You
For this I give You praise
For every mountain you brought me over
For every trial you've seen me through
For every blessing Hallelujah, for this I give You praise

Travelling for Work... Still a Good Idea?

Today my husband (who's in teacher's training at church) had to do his final presentation, which was to teach on a topic of our pastor's choosing. He's been in this class for about 3 months, and I probably would have been in this class with him also, but I'm travelling for work. So anyway, I've been hearing about this for months, talking with him about his topic (the ark of the covenant), talking about different angles he could approach it, blah, blah, blah... The last week coming down to the wire I got to hear his points and talk with him about his research. Today, he called me, did his presentation for me, toook some contrsutive criticism and was on his way. While I was work when he called, after we got off the phone, I had to go in the bathroom to cry for several reasons. (1) because God is SO awesome and I know it was God that gave him the words to say, (2) because I was and am SO proud of him and (3) feeling sad that I wasn't there and I felt I should have been. Of course I didn't let him know I cried, but I did tell him that I wished I were there and that I would be in prayer for him. So after his presentation before he got a chance to call me, I got calls from two friends who were there telling me what an awesome job he did, how everyone was very impressed with him, how well prepared he was, etc.. Little did they know that this just added to me feeling like a bad wife because I was not there! Its one thing to miss birthdays of other people. after church dinners, impromptu get togethers, but to miss my husband's presentation has me wondering if I'm doing the right thing with this travel assignment. I'm having a rough night, I'm just babbling now, so I'm going to end this now. Tomorrow is another day....

WHAT ABOUT ME???

Ok, so my 39th birthday is approaching... There were so many things that I thought I would have accomplished at this point in my life. A house, a child, a career that I'm happy with... HOW DID I GET HERE??? I guess God has other plans for me and in church today they talked about how God is ready/willing/able/wanting to give you all you want but you have t0 reach a place in your life that you can truly say "even if he doesn't _______ (fill in the blanks) I will still serve and praise Him because I know He can". There are days when I feel this and know this in my heart, but there are days when I let negative self talk creep in, when I hear someone is buying a home, when I hear that a friend of mine who's approaching 40 with 2 kids (new babies) is considering having another, when I meet someone who's happy in their career that I just feel like saying "WHAT ABOUT ME GOD???".

Integrity (or lack thereof)

in·teg·ri·ty /in*teg*ri*ty/ –noun
1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
Ok, I'm not trying to act like the moral police or mini holy spirit, but what has happened to people's integrity? I've been at two positions as a consultant where people have blatant integrity issues. One case, the manager wanted me to lie about testing statistics and this engagement that I'm on now, one of my employees has all around integrity issues. Coming in late, leaving early, reporting hours that he hasn't worked, not submitting work and claiming he never knew it was assigned to him. I JUST DON'T GET IT? What is going on in the world? Are these things that have been going on all along and I once was a person who didn't have issues with cheating the system or trying to get over? I know as a Christian I'm supposed to let my light shine but some days, it's easier to be in the dark, with the covers pulled over my head...

Taking the Plunge!

I've been a blog voyeur for a few months.... Reading my cousin's and her best friend's, posting comments but trying to fight the urge/desire to create my own. I mean damn, I got GOD, a counselor, friends, a journal for crying out loud so why do I have to post my deepest thoughts in the web for all to see????

Today I finally decided to take the plunge.. Can't say that I will tell the world all my secrets but I CAN say that its hella easier to type than it is to write, especially if you're crying (which happens to be something that I do regularly, maybe I'll write about that!).

Well Dee, here it is, hope you're happy!