Bernie the Magnificent

I pray that all dogs actually DO go to heaven, because if any of them could, it would be her. I could think of no other befitting way for Bernie to die but at home in my arms. I was scheduled to take her to the vet on 4/23 but as fate would have it, she died at home. Her last night was rough, I was tired, she was tired and we spent most of the night fighting desperately for air. She died at 6:48 AM, right in my arms....

I miss her SO much, its like a HUGE part of me is gone. I still listen for her nails clicking across the floor, her running out the room sideways when I come home, her in the bed with me kicking me.

The worse part of this is watching Pickles grieve... The first night he carried her pillow around the house crying and that was the roughest thing I've had to endure. Its like we're lost without her, although she was a small dog, she was big in spirit.

The entire family felt this one, friends/acquaintances/ex-boyfriends were ALL impacted in one way or another by Bernie's life. She had a fan club all her own. What brings me comfort is knowing that if all dogs DO go to heaven, she's with my mother who I KNOW welcome her with open arms and said "Bernie Baby" in a way that only she can. I know they're looking down on me and Pickles but DAMN I really can't take any more losses right now, this is too much...

Bernie the Magnificent Beagle

I've had Bernie for 12 years now... She is so much a part of the family that I can't even remember a time in my adult life when she was not around but now she's sick. I've been noticing her health declining for awhile now, just weird things here and there but I thought she'd bounce back like she always does. Last week, the vet determined that she has a mass in her stomach which is making it hard for her to breath. He wanted me to put her down last week but I just couldn't so I let him send her home with 4 medications in hopes that she'd get better. Although the swelling has gone down, she's now not eating at all and generally has no energy or strength. So tomorrow, I may put her down... I can't stand to see her suffer for my own selfish reasons but its so hard because when you look at her, she still looks like she did 12 years ago when she came to me. I have so many fond memories of Bernie Girl, she has to be the smartest dog I've ever known. As I look at her now, I can't even begin to imagine that this time tomorrow night she may not be here, but I'm smiling thinking about my mom welcoming her by saying "Bernie Baby" and the two of them being together because they were each others favorite. God please help me get through this, I don't think I can take any more losses right now..