Strength, Courage and Wisdom

These days I'm finding myself want to know more about my mother. Could it be that since she's battling colon cancer (last report was optimistic) that this is some sort of morbid "I'd better get all that I can while she's here" knee-jerk reaction? I dunno.

All I know is that I now view my mother in a TOTALLY different light. She's been through major surgery, undergoing chemo therapy treatments and has not complained once. When you call her, she's upbeat and always cracking jokes.

What I'm learning about my mother is that she is the strongest, most courageous, wisest person I know. Often I find myself saying one of her sayings that I realize now were so full of wisdom:

1. If you lie, you'll steal - my cousin and I used to crack up over this one, but now we use this line ourselves!
   
2. only thing open after 12:00 is legs - this was always said after some boy/man I was dating wanted to pick me up late)
3. always have escape money - this is money that you take on a date in case he ditches you and you need to get home on your own
4. always believe someone when they show you who they are

She has a whole host of others, I think I'll get with friends/family and gather them all. She's such a strong, courageous, wise person and I regret that I spent so much time being angry at who she wasn't, that its not until now that I appreciate who she is.

Turning 40 in exactly 17 days!

Turning 40!
There are some things about turning 40 that are bothering me:

1. not having a home
2. not having a child
3. still feel like I'm not doing the work I want to do

There are some things about turning 40 that are not bothering me:

1. I still look good (atleast I think so, whoever disagrees, too bad so sad)
2. Working on getting my weight under control
3. Making major moves in terms of living somewhere that I'm happy with

I think most of all if I'm honest, what's bothering me is the fact that me turning 40 doesn't seem like a big deal to anyone but me! I don't know what I expect: a parade, jugglers, a trip around the world, WHO KNOWS!! But when I mention it to folks (mostly my family) "OMG, I'm going to be 40 in ____ days". Its sorta met with "ok".

My cousin (who is also turning 40 this year) is making this scrapbook of all the people in her life who have had an impact. While I though about doing something like this, I DON'T SCRAP and this is way to monumental an occassion to jack up.

Maybe I'll just sleep my 40th birthday away so that if it doesn't meet my expectations (which I'm not sure what they are at this point) I won't be disappointed. Maybe I should work on defining my expectations and verbalizing them so if they're not met, its not because I didn't say what I wanted. Is that part of turning 40, saying what you want and expecting it???